Little did I know...

...that a week after writing my last blog, the subject and then boyfriend of the blog would dump me.
Yep; he did. 

Apparently our relationship was inopportune. 
Apparently we were going too fast.
Apparently his fear of us burning out was so great, he had to nip it in the bud.
Apparently I'm so unloveable that continuing our relationship any further would not lead to him loving me but using me.

He dealt me the "let's be friends" card.  And the sad part is...I'm still playing.
Now I'm thinking I should lay my cards on the table and walk away.
Nothing can come of this.  We won't be friends then become lovers; that doesn't work. 
And here's why...

He doesn't want me enough.  Not enough to take a chance. 
Yeah everything has its risk.  But if you want it just enough then you're willing to take that risk.

He didn't take that risk...

It's been too long Xanga

Helloooo my pretties! :)

While I was surfing the web for relationship advice, it occurred to me that I have not logged on in a really long time, so here I am!  Goodness..it's been too long.  So much has changed; I have changed (or maybe I haven't?).  It's fun to read my old blogs and my little "about me section", I was in high school when I wrote that, now I'm at a woman's college.  There really wasn't anything to be afraid of. 

Well enough of that...

It's freshman year in college.  I know for a fact that I don't like the club/party scene; I do not drink; and that college isn't as hard as I thought it was going be.  First semester went well...grades look wonderful.  Yeah my social life is still a caterpillar but what the heck that is ok with me!  Greatest news..I've got me a man I can call my own! :)

It's still pretty early into our relationship, but he's a good kid..I know it.  Unfortunately, my lack of experience (at dating, he's my first official boyfriend) is probably going to put out our flame.  Ughhh! I'm a mess, an easily flustered mess, who's sooooooo far from being articulate it's ridicious!  WTF!  And oh oh, I think I'm a frikking stand up comedian when we get on the phone.  Wait! Back up, comedians are actually funny, and they don't laugh at their own jokes!  So no, I'm no comedian! :(  Talk about the worst person to be on the phone with...

Should I be worried that he doesn't give me compliments?  The lack of compliments are sure as hell taking a toll on my ego.  He calls me cute!  Cute?!  Not pretty but cute.  His cute little monkey (he didn't say the monkey part, but he might as well have.  Monkeys are cute, puppies are cute, frikking babies are cute, but his girlfriend shouldn't be).  He tells me I have a beautiful smile and not that I'm beautiful.  He fucking tells me I'm sexy!  Sexy! What the fuck is he trying to do to me.   Seriously!  All I can think of now, is how mediocre I am.  Mediocre looks, mediocre smarts, and not funny!  Is he even attracted to me anymore?  Ugh I wouldn't be...

[Will edit later..off to bed]

Does anyone want to write my scholarship essay?'

Or leave tips and inputs. It's about: qualities a good leader should have. I want to start with a quote I googled: “A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” but I don't know where to go from there.  Help me please!

You've got my attention!

I don't know what it is, it's probably because I'm older and more accepting, but I'm finding boys out of my race very..very..very attractive!
These days they're such a turn on to me.  I see a Honduran and I'm ready to rape him.  I see a Chinese boy and I'm ready to stalk him.  They're just sexay! I can't act on any of my desires though, because people aren't as accepting as I am and although I find them attractive, they might find me to be quite the opposite.  Oh well..I'm going to try my luck anyway because it's noooooo waaaaaay I'm letting that Chinese one go. (:

what's happening here?

Ok so there is this boy and I haven't spoken to him in probably two years.
Until one day last week, he calls me and tells me about a date we were suppose to have 1 or 2  years ago. 

This guy, he's my type.  He got the looks and he has ambition. A big step up from the guys that come on to me.

Honestly I'm tired of being single, tired of bearing all these burdens by myself.  I want someone to be my co-pilot and he definitely has what it takes.  

The only thing is:  I'm not sure I give him the same feeling.

We didn't actually talk much about our 'date', much about to finish what we started the first night he called, before I told him I had to go.  My mom came in my room and I didn't want here to ease-drop on my convo so I lied to him saying I was driving, call me back later.

He never did.

I called him two days later (last Tuesday) but he never picked up.
Then I called him Friday, he didn't answer. (I'm not a stalker, promise!  That was the last time I was going to call him).
Two minutes later he texted me:  "I'm on my set in rocky mount, i'll call u soon" "
And to my surprise he did call, but it was really late and although it woke me up I did not answer my phone.
I was literally watching my phone last night(Saturday), hoping he would call but he didn't.  :( 
Then 30 minutes ago(Sunday) he called and the first thing he did was ask for my brother.

 Seriously?   My brother?  He must of heard about the trouble my brother got himself in.  Or was that a way for him to break the ice, to start a conversation?

Idk! 

Before I could get to say anything, he told me he'd call me back.

So there you have it...what should I expect out of this?  I know I haven't given much insight but draw from conclusions and just give me your thoughts.